Talking About Suicide: What to say
Often, when I’m conducting training people often say, ‘but it might put the idea in their head!’, in reference to asking someone if they are having thoughts of suicide.
MYTH: Asking someone if they are having thoughts of suicide will put it in their head.
This statement is simple not true, research tells us that asking someone about their suicidality does not encourage someone to pursue suicidal behaviours, not will it put the thought in their head if it wasn’t already there.
It’s no surprise that it’s a topic that’s difficult to broach, but by not asking a person we reinforce social stigma associated with suicidality. The mere mention of the word can make people uneasy, leading to avoidance and silence. However, it is precisely in these difficult conversations that can help someone who is having thoughts of ending their life. By openly discussing suicide, we can reduce stigma, offer support, and save lives.
In this blog post, we will explore the importance of having conversations about suicide and provide some guidance on how to approach this sensitive topic.
Breaking the Stigma around Suicide
Stigma is one of the biggest barriers preventing open discussions about suicide. Misconceptions, fear of judgment, and lack of understanding often surround this topic. By talking openly about suicide, we can dismantle these barriers and create an environment of empathy and support. Open conversations help us recognise that suicidal thoughts and mental health decline can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background - no one is immune. In fact, all of us will be impacted by mental illness at some point in our lives, either living with, caring for or working with someone.
The stigma surrounding suicide can manifest in various ways. One common reason stigma exists is due to a lack of understanding and misinformation surrounding mental health issues and suicide. This lack of knowledge often leads to fear, discomfort, and negative attitudes towards individuals who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts or have attempted suicide.
One aspect of stigma is the fear that talking about suicide or asking someone about their suicidal thoughts may somehow encourage or plant the idea in their mind. However, research has shown that discussing suicide openly and directly can be beneficial, and may even save a life. Asking someone directly (in an unambiguous way) about their suicidal thoughts can actually provide them with an opportunity to share their feelings and seek help. It demonstrates care, empathy, and concern, which can be crucial in supporting someone who may be struggling.
Stigma can also result in judgmental attitudes, blame, and the perception that suicidal individuals are weak, selfish, or attention-seeking. Such attitudes can prevent people from seeking help or discussing their feelings openly, leading to isolation and worsening of their mental health.
Challenging stigma requires education, awareness, and promoting open conversations about mental health. It is essential to provide accurate information, reduce the fear associated with discussing suicide, and create supportive environments where individuals feel comfortable seeking help without judgment or stigma. Let’s start a conversation.
Spreading Awareness and Suicide Prevention
Suicide is a global public health issue that claims far too many lives each year. By discussing it, we can spread awareness about the signs, risk factors, and available resources for prevention. When we learn to recognise the warning signs and respond appropriately, we can intervene and potentially save someone's life. Honest conversations about suicide also enable us to promote mental health education and support networks within our communities.
Providing Support to Someone Suicidal
Many individuals who experience suicidal thoughts or emotions do so in silence, they may feel isolated and hopeless. Engaging in conversations about suicide creates an opportunity for people to open up and seek help. By lending a compassionate ear and offering non-judgmental support, we can make a significant difference in someone's life. Active listening, empathy, and understanding are essential elements in fostering a safe space for these discussions.
Providing support to someone who may be experiencing suicidal thoughts is crucial.
Here are some guidelines to consider:
Take it seriously: If someone expresses or hints at thoughts of suicide, take their words seriously. It's important not to dismiss or minimise their feelings. Let them know that you're there for them and that their well-being matters to you. Saying things like “Don’t be silly, you have a great life” are unhelpful.
Be a good listener: Encourage open and non-judgmental communication. Allow the person to express their feelings without interruption or criticism. Show empathy and validate their emotions. Sometimes, simply being heard can provide relief and comfort. Let the person do most of the talking, be present.
Express your concern: Let the person know that you are genuinely concerned about their well-being. Use statements like, "I'm worried about you," or "I care about you." Showing that you genuinely care can create a sense of trust and safety.
Ask directly about suicide:
While it may feel uncomfortable, asking directly about suicidal thoughts can be important. Use a compassionate tone and ask open-ended questions, such as "Are you feeling so bad that you're thinking about suicide?" “ Are you thinking about killing yourself?” This gives the person an opportunity to talk about their feelings and can help them feel less alone. We don’t want to beat around the bush and say things like “ You’re not thinking about doing something stupid are you?”. Be direct.
Avoid judgment and provide reassurance: It's essential to be supportive and non-judgmental, no one likes to feel judged. Avoid blaming or shaming the person. Reassure them that seeking help is a sign of strength and that they are not alone in their struggles. Encourage them to share their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment. Saying things like “ But what about your family? Who will look after them”. Although well-meaning, they are not helpful.
Encourage professional help: Encourage the person to seek professional help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor. Check-in with their GP. Or in an emergency call 000 or your local hospital. Offer assistance in finding resources, making appointments, or accompanying them to their initial appointments, if appropriate.
Stay connected and follow up: Maintain regular contact with the person and check in on their wellbeing. Let them know that you're there for them over the long term. Following up shows that you genuinely care and can provide ongoing support.
Educating and Empowering
Conversations about suicide are an opportunity to educate ourselves and others about mental health. You may wish you engage in formal suicide prevention education, but most people do not know what to say or do. Without formal education, people may tip-toe around the topic. By promoting dialogue, we can challenge the myths and misconceptions surrounding suicide. Through these discussions, we can encourage empathy, understanding, and a greater acceptance of mental health struggles. Empowering ourselves with knowledge allows us to be proactive in supporting loved ones and cultivating a culture of compassion.
Tips for Having Conversations about Suicide:
a. Choose the right time and place: Find a comfortable and private setting where all parties involved feel safe and free to express themselves.
b. Be a good listener: Allow the person to speak openly without interruption. Show empathy, compassion, and understanding.
c. Use non-judgmental language: Avoid stigmatizing language or assumptions. Use neutral and supportive language to foster an open dialogue.
d. Ask open-ended questions: Encourage the person to share their thoughts and feelings by asking questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no" answer.
e. Be prepared for strong emotions: Conversations about suicide can evoke intense emotions. Be prepared to handle them with sensitivity and care.
f. Encourage professional help: If someone expresses suicidal thoughts or intent, it is crucial to encourage them to seek professional help. Provide information about helplines, therapists, or mental health organizations that can offer support.
Having open and compassionate conversations about suicide is vital for breaking the silence, reducing stigma, and saving lives. By creating a safe space for discussion, we can provide support, educate ourselves and others.
These helplines provide support to individuals experiencing distress or suicidal thoughts. It's essential to encourage anyone in need to reach out to these professional services for immediate assistance
Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
Website: https://www.lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Website: https://www.beyondblue.org.au
Kids Helpline (for individuals aged 5-25): 1800 55 1800
Website: https://kidshelpline.com.au
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
Website: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au
MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78
Website: https://mensline.org.au